Watch out for regular news and blogs from the Gemini Directors, in the meantime here are 16 ways NOT to answer interview questions…

There are few things more daunting than attending a job interview. That’s why it’s good to take the time to prepare properly by considering some of the questions that might come up. Just make sure however, that you don’t end up giving any of these answers!

Interviewer: What is your greatest accomplishment?

Interviewee: Finishing Phantom Mutant Death Fighter 3 for PC – and in work time too! Have you played it?

Interviewer: Could you sell me this pen?

Interviewee (shouting): Get your pens, only 50p. Everything must go. Come on sweetheart, you know you want one!

Interviewer: If our roles were reversed, what question would you ask?

Interviewee: Where did you get that terrible blouse?

Interviewer: Who in the world, living or dead, would you most like to meet?

Interviewee: Oooooh that’s a difficult one. Er, I’d have to say ‘living’ I think.

Interviewer: Do you prefer delegation or hands on control?

Interviewee: Er, what are they? Boy bands or something?

Interviewer: What do you enjoy doing outside of work?

Interviewee: Shouting up at the window ‘get a life’ to anyone who’s sad enough to be working late

Interviewer: Are you prepared to relocate?

Interviewee: Certainly. Where would you like me to sit?

Interviewer: What do you think you can contribute to the company?

Interviewee: Well it depends how much I have left at the end of each month

Interviewer: Can you act on your own initiative?

Interviewee: I was in the school play once, but to be honest I’m no Sir Michael Caine.

Interviewer: What are your career goals’?

Interviewee (proudly): 27 in 155 appearances for my local pub team!

Interviewer: What would you like to avoid in your next job?

Interviewee: It’s not so much a case of ‘what’, more ‘who’. Honestly, there were some right nut jobs at my last place!

Interviewer: How do you cope with change?

Interviewee: I tend to put it in a piggy bank and buy myself something nice with it at Christmas

Interviewer: Are you willing to travel?

Interviewee: Duh? How else do you think I’m going to get here in the mornings?

Interviewer: Do you prefer working with a male or female boss?

Interviewee: Oh please. Give me a man every time. I mean women. Temperamental or what? Actually just make that ‘mental’…… Your good self accepted of course.

Interviewer: What unfinished business have you left behind that you wish you had concluded?

Interviewee: I had a bit of an altercation with one of my colleagues. But don’t worry, I know where he lives. He will get his.

Interviewer: Tell me about a time when you didn’t get on with your colleagues.

Interviewee: Time? How long have you got? I’ve got plenty of stories where that’s concerned.

© Alasdair Murray 2011

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